It was bound to happen!

I had gotten a minor amount of hatred, left as a comment on this post, but by no means did I think that that would be the end of my hate mail days. Given the amount of haterade I serve, I of course expect to offend people here and there. As I've always said, it is quite difficult to be both funny AND nice. My choice is pretty clear!

Before today, obviously, I have not had any reason to really bring attention to any hate mail, but this is too funny an opportunity to pass up. And, I want to make sure that the person who wrote it gets my response, as I am not sure as to whether he or she will take the time to go back to see whether I've responded to his or her anonymous comments.

So here are the comments, each followed by my retort. (By the way, isn't "retort" a funny word?)

Hateful comment part one, left on this entry:

Wow. You guys are SO MUCH better than all these people. Good for yous. I hate this site and the Blogger site you rode in on you are what VICE's Do/Don't is without the hipster/indie street cred. I cant wait catching one of you fuckers stinking up your mom's potpourri-scented lavatories after digesting all the hate and resentment you dish out. Fuck off.

My retort:

Wow indeed. I never said that I was perfect, nor do I claim to have any sort of credibility (or hipster/indie street cred, for that matter). I don't know what you are talking about with this VICE business, but if it is similar to my site and the blogger site that I rode in on (riding websites is how I get to and from work each day. It spices up my morning and evening commutes, and, even better, it is earth-friendly!), please send a link!

I "can't wait you catching" me stinking up my mom's bathroom, either. For the record, she is not really a potpourri kind of lady.

I am not a doctor or biologist or anatomist, but I am having a tough time understanding how I am both dishing out AND digesting hate, or anything else, for that matter. Shouldn't I be doing the dishing and you the digesting? And it seems as though you have indigestion (following your lovely analogy), so can I offer you some friendly advice?

If you don't like Mexican food, and it makes you sick (so much so that you feel the need to write a rude comment), maybe you should just save yourself the trouble and stop eating Mexican food!

This may be stretching the example, but I don't like to read racist propaganda, so I don't frequent the KKK website, nor do I send them hate mail, as I feel like that would simply fuel their fires.

In other words, if you don't like my site, don't go to it!

Also for the record, if I were in a nightclub drinking water from a snifter, I don't think I would be irate if someone made a lighthearted joke about it.

Hate mail part two, as posted on this entry:

Again, bravo!

Im glad to see you wasting your energy making fun of strangers all day! What snarky comment of negativity are you going to come up with NEXT??!?

This must be very exhausting for you! I promise to send in a picture of my favorite moment captured on film so you can crush it with your sardonic wit. Maybe my wedding day, or perhaps the first picture of my kid, or the last time Granny was with us for the BBQ - I betcha you could make fun of her blouse she purchased during the Ford Administration! In fact, let me help you with that one - ITS LIKE SHE TOOK A BLOTTER OF ACID AND BARFED IT! Lawlz!

Better yet, lets get a picture of you pig-fucking your father so I can humiliate you. Karma is KRAZY like that!

**CANT WAIT!**

My retort:

I'm glad that you're glad to see me wasting my energy making fun of strangers.

The only thing that is upsetting to me is that SOMEONE (i.e., you!) doesn't seem to understand his/her own statement. What Mockwaukee does is make FUN of people. Clearly, you are missing out on the fun!

Surely I am biased, but I do think that you are stretching things a little too far. Can you really compare pictures taken at bars and nightclubs to milestones in peoples' lives? That is a leap that I am not willing to make.

As I've said before, I mock people's choices, not things they can't control. For example, the picture that you commented this comment on has a beautiful girl in it. Gorgeous, that's clear. However, in my opinion, her dress is not cute. She chose to put on the dress.

No, I am not the fashion editor for Vogue magazine, but you coming to my site tells me that you give me credibility enough. You choosing to come to Mockwaukee is akin to you asking me for my opinion. As I wrote in my previous retort, if you don't like it, don't come back! I am pretty sure that no one is forcing you to look at anything on this site. If they are, call 911 or something.

And, like I said, I don't think that the precious moments of people's lives are being mocked here - just fun in the club. HOWEVER, if you want to check out someone's precious moments being mocked, let me suggest this site, which a friend sent to me. Hilarious!

If you do want to send pictures to get mocked, please just pop them right over to mockwaukee@gmail.com.

I really hope that you don't get your wish of finding a picture of me pig-fucking my father.

First of all, I think the CDC would be upset that my genitals were the leading cause of the spread of Swine Flu (H1N1) in Wisconsin. Ok, let's be honest... The United States (Sorry, but I am a bit of a whore!).

Secondly, I'm not a lawyer either, but I think that incest is illegal, and I don't want Daddy and I to get in trouble!

You're right, Karma is "Krazy," and so is your spelling of "crazy!"

I don't know whether to be jealous of you, because the biggest problem in your life is a silly website, or to be sad for you because a silly little website made you this angry, but I think I've about covered my points here.

Plus, my dad is coming over in fifteen minutes so we can have some fun in the bathroom, which sure won't smell like potpourri once we're done! Anyone from themilwaukeescene.com or milwaukeenights.com want to come and photograph it? It's time for Karma, baby!

Peace,

Mockwaukee